BRIDGET JONESS'S DIARY

 

 

The last thing on earth I feel physically, emotionally or mentally equipped to do is drive to Una and Geoffrey Alconbury's New Year's Day Turkey Curry Buffet in Grafton Underwood.

Geoffrey and Una Alconbury are my parents' best friends and, as Uncle Geoffery never tires of reminding me, have known me since I was running round the lawn with no clothes on.

 

My mother rang up at 8.30 in the morning last August Bank Holiday and forced me to promise to go.

She approached it via a cunningly circuitous route.

 

'Oh, hello, darling. I was just ringing to see what you want for Christmas.'

'Chrismas?'

'Would you like a surprise, darling?'

'No! I bellowed. 'Sorry, I mean...'

'I wondered if you'd like a set of wheels for your suitcase.'

'But I haven't got a suitcase.'

'Why don't I get you a little suitcase with wheels attached. You know, like air hostesses have.'

'I have already got a bag.'

'Oh, darling, you can't go around with that tatty green canvas thing. You look like some sort of Mary Poppins person who's fallen on hard times. Just a little compact case with a pull-out handle. It's amazing how much you can get in. Do you want it in navy on red or red on navy?'

'Mum, It's eight thirty in the morning. It's summer. It's very hot. I don't want an air-hostess bag.'

'Julie Enderby's got one. She says she never uses anything else.'

'Who's Julie Enderby?'

'You know Julie, darling! Mavis Enderby's daughter. Julie! The one that's got that super-dooper job at Arthur Andersen...'

'Mum...'

'Always takes it on her trips...'

'I don't want a little bag with wheels on.'

'I'll telly what. Why don't Jamie, Daddy and I all club together and get you a proper new big suitcase and a set of wheels?'

Exhausted, I held the phone away from my ear, puzzling about where the missionary luggage-Chrismas-gift zeal had stemmed from.

 

(zeal:열성.열의)

When I put the phone back she was sating;

'...In actual fact, you can get them with a compartment with bottles for your bubble bath and things. The other thing I thought of was a shopping trolley.'

'Is there anything you's like for Christmas?' I said desperately, blinking in the dazzling Bank Holiday sunlight.'

'No, no,' she said airily.

 

(airily:대수롭지 않다는 듯, 공허한,)

 

'I've got everything I need. Now, darling,' she suddenly hissed, 'you will be coming to Geoffrey and Una's New Year's Day Turkey Curry Buffet this year, won't you?'

'That doesn't matter. You can drive up after work. Oh, did I mention? Malcolm and Elaine Darcy are coming and bringing Mark with them. Do you remember Mark, darling?'

He's one of those top-notch barristers. Masses of money. Divorced. It doesn't start till eight.'

 

Oh God. Not another strangely dressed opera freak with bushy hair burgeoning from a side-parting.

'Mum, I've told you. I don't need to be fixed up with.'

'Now come along, darling. Una GEOFFREY have been holding New Year Buffet since you were running round the lawn with no clothes on! Of course you're going to come. And you'll be able to use your new suitcase.

 

 

11.45pm

First day of New Year has been day of horror.

Cannot quite believe I am once again starting the year in a single bed in my parents house.

It is too humiliating at my age. I wonder if they'll smell it if I have a fag out of the window.

 

(fag out:기진맥진하게 하다)

 

Having skulked at home all day, hoping hangover would clear, I eventually gave up and set off for the Turkey Curry Buffet far too late.

 

(skulk: 몰래 숨다)

 

When I got to the Alconbury's and rang their entire tune of town hall clock style doorbell I was still in a strange world of my own- narseous, vile-headed, acidic. I was also suffering from road rage residue after inadvertently getting on to the M6 instead of the M1 and having to drive halfway to Birmingham before I could find anywhere to turn round.

 

(risidue:잔여물)

(inadventently:무심코, 우연히, 부주의로)

 

I was so furious I kept jamming my foot down to the floor on the accelerator pedal to give vent to my feelings, which is very dangerous.

 

I watched resignedly as Una Alconbury's form intriguingly deformed through the ripple glass door bore down on me in a fuchsia two-piece.

 

(resignedly:체념하여, 복종하여)

(intriguingly:흥미를 자아내어. 호기심을 자극하여)

(deform:변형시키다.)

'Bridget! We'd almost given you up for lost! Happy New Year! Just about to start without you.'

'She seemed to manage to kiss me, get my coat off, hang it over the banister, wipe her lipstick off my cheek and make me feel incredibly guilty all in one movement, while I leaned against the ornament shelf for support.'